Freddy… ummm…. Again
Ding-Dong rang the ding-donging doorbell.
Papa Smurf called, “Smurfette! Get the door!” Smurfette opened the door to find a large body on the ground looking inside. Without a thought, she tried closing the door, but the thing put a finger on the door. She stood frozen. Its eyes glowed orange with content. “Greetings fellow blue people!” Smurfette stood silent. She noticed it was clad in a red t-shirt, blue pants, and sneakers. It coughed and after a blink its eyes turned white. “Hello, small blue… ummm… lady? Yes? I assume so. Anyway, are you happy with the size of your mushroom? Are you happy with your life? Do you know the true name of- Wait! You’re Smurfs! Gosh! It’s true that if you find a four leaf clover you find a Smurf village! And all of this before morning! Wait, the sun’s not even up! Am I disturbing you?”
She was about to run inside when she turned around and said, “Oh, you’re a human! You guys are so cute when you’re young! What’s your name?”
“My name is Freddy. Just Freddy. Please. I’m from Propaganda City.”
“Ooh, the city that used to be surrounded by Darkness? What’s up with that? I don’t understand…”
“Well, all my life I lived in a city, but the city was in an endless span of black nothingness- much like Mexico. At the end of the city’s borders, people could get lost and never return. Once you stepped into it, you could never get out. There was also a giant light up in the ‘sky’. And one day, I woke up and there was landscaping around the city and a sky with clouds and blue everywhere. Yet, for some reason, I wasn’t awed or amazed. It seemed… normal. Of course, now that I’m older, I appreciate every second I’m awake, savor every sight, and favor the colors of the world.”
“….. Oh! Are you done? Your story was boring and I wish you’d leave!”
“Hey, can I take one of you guys? I want one of you as a pet!”
“LEAVE NOW!!!” She slammed the door.
“Geesh, what a jerk,” muttered Freddy. He went to one of the other mushroom homes. He lifted the top and found one. Freddy grabbed it. “HEY!!! What ar-”
“Quiet, Mr. Smurf. You‘re coming home with me. I don’t have a home, but still, we’re going to town to buy you some rabbit pellets and a hamster water thing.”
“But I don’t want t-“
“Shut up, Mr. Smurf!”
They left the forest and made it to town by 10:00 AM. He had put the Smurf in his pocket. “Ahh, Petsmart! You’ll enjoy coming here!” He heard muffled rebuttals. After getting the rabbit items, he took them to the cashier. “Hey, Cashier! Will this stuff work for a Smurf?” “Oh, mister, Smurfs have been extinct for a gillion years. I would know. I’m a whale biologist.” “No they aren’t. I found one in the forest.” He took it out to show it to the cashier. “What’s that thing?” the cashier asked. “What do you think it is?” asked Freddy.
The townspeople were in a state of mania. Buildings were set aflame. Women screamed at goats. And not a single person had tenure. Although, they all had a net and a dream: catch a Smurf. But why all the hubbub for a stupid fat blue lizard in white rags? You know what’s amazing about Smurfs? You can melt them down into gold! (You can also eat them, but a stomach full does not fill an empty wallet) “Where are they?!!”, “Have you found one?”, and “I need one!” were things you’d here people screaming. This scurry continued for hours. By sunset, there were only seven survivors.
Luckily, Freddy had left town to the Smurf village. He told all the baby Smurfs stories about sea leprechauns and fairy unicorns. Everything was wonderful, until a problem came about. The Smurfs wanted to explore new places! Freddy was forced to travel back into town. Hopefully no one would notice he carried extra luggage…..
The cashier screamed, “There! In the forest!” An entire- welcoming party - came to - welcome - Freddy. They - welcomed – him up until he started – smiling -. He cried, “Help me! (- have more fun! -).”
In the end he was tied up in a chair. The cashier interrogated him. “Where did you find the Smurf?”
“I found him in the forest!”
“Where in the forest?!”
“In the part I found-“
“DON’T YOU GIVE ME THAT POOP!!! If you don’t tell me exactly where they are, I swear I will make you sit through that awful movie ‘Monty Python’s Search For The Holy Grail’!”
“Eh, it’s not that bad.”
“I’ll also spit on you for a bit.”
“Fine! I found the city next to a four leaf clover! You can find one next to any four leaf clover! But you won’t find anyone in the one I was in…”
“DID YOU-“ The cashier saw something squirm in his backpack. Actually, now that he noticed, there was a lot of squirming in his backpack. “Did you steal the entire town?!” Freddy swallowed. “No, I didn’t…” The cashier took the bag and opened it.
There was nothing in there… except… what was that? The cashier reached into the bag and pulled out… a four leaf clover? Suddenly, the cashier felt a tingling inside his stomach. He knew where he was going and a maniacal smile fell across his face. He fell to the floor. “Uh, Mr. Cashier, you’re going to die.”
The cashier, struggling to get a word out, gasped, “What are you talking about?” The unaforementioned others looked worried/puzzled.
“Well, I mean, you’re going to die in the future. Not today. You found a five leaf clover.”
The cashier along with the mob looked at it and examined. ‘Twas a five leaf clover! Everyone ran away from him in frightened hysteria. The cashier had heard the legends, but he never believed in them. The pain in his stomach ceased. Freddy explained, “Don’t worry. You’ll still find the Smurfs’city. If you find a five leaf clover, you also get the power to find a Smurf Village in any clover patch. That’s the power that makes you mortal, though. Untie me and I’ll show you.”
“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m going to die anyway…” The cashier unwound the knots. Freddy stood up and told the cashier, “Find a bundle of clovers and look between the stems. Then you’ll find the town of the blue people. By the way, don’t forget that because I’m leaving.” As Freddy left, the cashier saw the bag squirm once more. The cashier searched in the area for the nearest clover field.
He sat down and looked between the stems. He expected to see dirt at the bottom, but he only saw more stems. He started tugging on the weeds only to find more stems. By the time the stems were exactly 3 feet long (he knew because he always carried a ruler with him), he pulled as swiftly as he could. The clovers ripped off! As he threw them away, on the ground, he saw small, mushroom-like buildings. Yet they were empty! All of them were deserted. He recounted what the boy had said and all that had happened.
Suddenly, he realized what was inside the bag. His Wisdom of Death showed him it was himself inside the bag. He was afraid of himself. He tried to warn himself to stay back, but he was too afraid. The cashier sighed and prepared for an ending life. (The truth is the bag is blue, the Smurfs are blue, and he’s color blind. Cashier don’t know squat! Nobody outsmarts me!)
Freddy, along with a town full of Smurfs stuffed into his bag, went to the only place he knew he needed to go: Kokomo!